Growing our family is what we wanted, our dream of having a big family has always been something we have talked about. With our third pregnancy God had other plans for us.
It has taken me forever to actually sit down and to get the courage to write this post. I was debating on just giving y’all an update on this pregnancy, my fourth, and life in general. But something kept sending me back there, back to my third pregnancy, the one we lost. I couldn’t just skip along and talk about now as if he/she never existed, it just didn’t feel right.
We found out we were pregnant in December 2016 and we lost the baby at 10 weeks in January of 2017. It was that quick, to feeling immense joy to utter heartbreak. “No heartbeat.” That’s all I heard the Dr. say and I just turned to mush. The pain from hearing the news was unbearable. I remember the burning feeling I felt in my chest, my palms hot and sweaty and just sobbing. It felt like a horrible dream that I just wanted to wake up from, and just kept thinking that this is not happening to us. It’s something that I would never wish on anyone to have to go through.
Through that season of our lives, we grew stronger as a couple and family. We didn’t take each other and moments for granted, and hugged our boys a lot tighter. I grew stronger in faith and nurtured my senses and gave my soul what it desired. Keeping strong in my faith and prayer and not questioning God was hard in the beginning. Through time and not giving up on Him I realized that our path had already been written and He knew the pain we had in our hearts. With my amazing husband by my side, my two boys God had already blessed me with I was able to move forward. Not forgetting that he/she was ever a part of us but just knowing that now we had an Angel by our side and the first time we’ll meet will be in everlasting paradise.
Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything…Phillipians 4:6-7
Sunshine after the Rain
We casted all of our fears aside and decided to try again. Fast forward to now and we could not be more elated about this pregnancy. Though I have to admit that the first trimester was not easy. Every little symptom I had I was over analyzing and thinking we were not going to make it. Once you’ve had a miscarriage it’s hard to not be scared and anxious. You’re just praying that your body and God will get you through it.
Now that I am 16 weeks I definitely feel like I can relax and just take a deep breath! I am really starting to let myself enjoy this pregnancy and getting back to my regular routine of daily tasks without being so overly cautious. I mean just truly embracing this season God has blessed me with again is beautiful. Seeing my bump grow everyday and feeling his/her tiny little kicks amazes me. We are so grateful that we are able to experience this all over again.
God did not promise that we will never experience storms, but He did promise that He will be there with us during them. What He did always promise us was a sign, a rainbow. A sign of promise and hope and that another beautiful day lies ahead. I now know that there is calm after the storm, joy after sadness, peace after pain and definitely sunshine after the rain.